Dear TinkerPot Pastors: Your Jesus Is Too Nice.
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”
– 1Cor.16:13
2016 saw the publication of my best, best-selling book, The Effeminization Of The American Male.
I must warn you: that book is rougher than grandma’s breath. Especially if you’re a slack-jawed entitled young male. Good luck with getting through that brutal tome. Oh, by the way, I suggest you put on a cup before going any further. Anyway …
Indeed, in my #1 Amazon best-seller, I took my verbal sledgehammer to the ubiquitous male tinkerpots that proliferate America’s effete milieu and I did it, ironically, with schoolgirl glee.
And you know what?
It resonated with a stack of Americans and international peeps because we sold a lot of copies of that 202 page waffle-stomper.
As most of you know, I don’t like to brag, and I don’t like to boast, but I like hot butter on my breakfast toast: that book contains some true gems. Some pure gold.
One of the chapters I really liked/like that I thought would get minimal accolades because the book’s bent was not, specifically, driven towards The Church, but more toward the unwashed masses, is my chapter, Dear Christian: You Might Be a Wussy… But Jesus Ain’t (*Please note: that’s not the exact title of that chapter as I’m trying to ‘behave’ with this book so I can have what some call a ‘broader appeal’.)
I threw that very Christ-o-centric chapter into my polemic against the pusillanimous because, I believe, the Church is primarily responsible for the effeminate crap-sicle, which is postmodern America, principally because a lot of ministers are peddling a soft-focused-bearded-lady version of Jesus that has diddly squat to do with the angry young dragonslayer who kicked up dust on the mean streets of the Middle East many moons ago.
* Here’s an FYI for Pastors and Priests: don’t whine about the corruption of culture and the despicable nature of most politicians when you crank out gutless puppets instead of courageous prophets.
So I threw that chapter in kind of as an ‘aside’. Y’know … just to go on record in a widely read book that I think the Church needs to be churched in regards to its rank, and I mean rank, self-inflicted effeminacy and how dare Christians talk smack about culture and politics when we don’t have the masculine moxy the prophets, apostles and Christ Jesus himself sported in spades.
And you know what?
That quick exposition I penned on the book of Matthew, highlighting the masculine qualities of Christ in contrast to the squealy, effeminate tenor, of our current emasculated ecclesiastical emissaries has garnered more unsolicited positive feedback, especially from the ‘laity’, than every other chapter in my spicey read.
Can you say, ‘Yahtzee?’
I think I struck a nerve.
Which brings me to this new little book about Jesus’s masculinity.
Masculinity, and ‘men who would be men’, and ‘testosterone’, and ‘boys just being boys’, are being attacked more in this sassy society than the fudge fountain was at Rosie O’Donnell’s last plus-sized pool party.
Not only is classical masculinity vilified by the mouthy misandrists but the manly qualities of Jesus are getting about as much love from the pulpit as I would if I rocked up, unannounced, to an AOC goat roast.
Ok, I’ll stop with the hamfisted and childish cultural references and get to my point.
My point is, and I’ll prove it in the next 30+ chapters, from the book of Matthew, that when it comes to Jesus Christ, as defined by the scripture, He’s any and everything other than a Precious Moments figurine. And for moi, it’s the sin of sins to neuter what the scripture screams about that thirty-year-old rebel from Galilee.
* From Doug’s #1 Amazon bestseller,
‘If Masculinity is ‘Toxic’, Call Jesus Radioactive’.
Available on Amazon.com.